[But his smile looks a little more genuine now, meeting his eyes. Bucky relaxes in that way he always does around Steve, a little less tense, a little less on edge. He'll never be the man he used to be, but the way his shoulders lose all of their tension and drop by inches.]
[ Steve's eyes are warm as he reaches for Bucky's right hand to pull him inside. ]
I've tried.
[ He's more selfish than people realize at times. He lets himself want things and be thankful for things that he just shouldn't, like how he's thankful to have Bucky here with him in the 21st century even when he knows how Bucky got here. ]
[Bucky lets himself be pulled inside, laughing just slightly.]
I don't know.
[But his tone is teasing, easy.]
You're as close to a godsend as I think I'll ever get. You've got a lot of faults, Steve, but you're the reason why I'm here.
[He can't help it, squeezing at Steve with his right hand, his smile drifting to something a little more somber despite himself. There are a number of reasons why he tries to keep things bottled up, but at the end of the day, that's probably something dark inside of him talking.]
You pulled me out of something I never would have escaped on my own.
[ And that's an instant sore spot for Steve, who feel responsible for what happened to Bucky. He'd pulled Bucky back into the fight after Azzano. He'd watched Bucky die and he hadn't even managed to stick around long enough to look for him afterwards. ]
I would have found you sooner if I'd known.
[ He's still holding Bucky's hand, squeezing it a little more desperately now, like Bucky could slip away again. ]
[He hesitates for a moment, before he pulls Steve into a hug with his left hand.]
I know. But you found me.
[He doesn't even want to think about the alternative. It's pointless, an existential nightmare. And he promised himself he wouldn't let anyone see him break down because of it, because of the endless nightmares that have never actually stopped.
Maybe it's too intimate, but he squeezes at Steve's shoulder, careful not to harm his friend.]
You found me, and I'll never be able to thank you enough.
[ Steve goes into the hug easily, wrapping his other arm around Bucky and holding him close. ]
Just thank me by sticking around. That's all I want, Buck. Just stay.
[ Because at this point, Steve's put a lot of time and energy into chasing after Bucky. He'd like to think that they can finally have this time together, at least for a little while.
He turns his head, nose pressing into Bucky's hair. ]
[ Steve hums in agreement. They've both been through so much, both together and on their own. All he wants now is to find a way to keep Bucky safe and as happy as either of them can be. ]
You never have to hide anything with me.
[ It's a promise, but also a request. He wants to know everything, even the bad things. Maybe especially those so he can try to help. There's not a thing Bucky could say that would turn Steve away from him and that's always been true.
He kisses Bucky's cheek with a little smile. ]
I'd like to think I've proven that you're stuck with me by now.
[He doesn't clarify, but then again, Bucky doesn't think he needs to, because he cranes his head so he can kiss at Steve's jaw, smiling. He lets go of Steve's hand, only to use his free hand to brush through the other man's short hairs on his head.]
[ The feel of Bucky's lips on his skin has his sighing. It's good to see Bucky like this, comfortable with giving and receiving affection. Steve remembers what he'd been like when they'd fought on the hellicarrier. He's come so far. ]
It is.
[ Being Steve had been dangerous enough in the 40s without public affection or acknowledgment of something like this. Now, this is something they can really have if they want it. Society isn't without its issues, but it's come a long way. Steve's happy to see how accepting it really is now.
His hands settle on Bucky's hips and he anchors a finger in one of Bucky's beltloops. ]
Now I seem to remember I promised something about carrying you.
[Bucky laughs, a warm noise that comes across as much more natural than his attempts at smiles. He's still holding onto Steve, but something about how he's holding himself relaxes.]
Yeah, that's right. Almost forgot.
[He hasn't, if the teasing tone is anything to go by.]
You're probably the only person who could carry me, you know.
[Bucky laughs, letting Steve pull him closer, leaving a trail of kisses along Steve's neck.]
You need to have your fair share of the fun, too.
[He's had trouble relaxing for a long time now, trouble feeling completely safe, but he does lose almost all of his tension in Steve's arms. It'd be fairly easy to scoop him up, because Bucky almost never lets himself become this limp, not even when he's sleeping.]
Bet you've been looking forward to this all day, punk.
[ Steve loves the sound of Bucky's laughter, the way he feels so warm and pliant in Steve's arms, and he can't help the amused little smile as he releases Bucky's belt loop and ducks down enough to hook an arm under Bucky's knees and topple the other man's weight into his arms with a huff.
He straightens up, cradling Bucky's weight against his chest, and he would be lying if he said this was effortless, but it's not a huge strain, either. The bedroom's not far and he starts to make his way there. ]
[He makes an oof noise as Steve picks him up, but doesn't even offer up a playful protest. It's a shame that the added weight of muscle means this isn't easy to do, though Bucky does wrap an arm around Steve's shoulder, grinning.]
Good way to spend an evening.
[An entire night?
Hell, he's not going to utter a single complaint about spending time with Steve. They've both more than earned this. Bucky will take as many days off as he wants.]
[ Steve has to maneuver sideways through the door, a challenge because he can't keep his eyes off of Bucky for too long and he can't stop smiling like an idiot, either. ]
I could think of worse.
[ He lays Bucky's weight down in his bed and leans right in for a kiss, jokes and preamble be damned. ]
[Bucky's smile grows, broad, especially at that dopey smile of Steve's. It's charming, always has been. Always will be.]
Oh, and what would that be--
[Steve's kiss cuts off his snark, which is probably for the best.
It only takes a moment for his brain to process what's happening-- even though he should have expected all of this, since he was the one who'd asked for it in the first place. He wraps both arms around Steve's back, using his right hand to scratch at Steve through the fabric of his shirt.
It's just hard enough to feel it, but light enough it'll heal before he's even finished trailing his nails against the other man's back.]
[ Steve hums into the kiss. He hadn't intended to be quite so lingering, but Bucky's nails on his back have his brain stopping short and his body is very firmly on Team Touch Bucky.
With his weight braced on one hand, he brings the other up to brush Bucky's hair behind his ear and caress his jaw. ]
[ Steve likes a good plan when the situation calls for it, but Bucky's not always something he can plan for. He can't help grinning down at Bucky and pressing another quick kiss to Bucky's lips. ]
[ It's not really in Steve's general habits to deny Bucky much of anything. He'd bend over backwards for him. Hell, he's already blown up his whole life to keep Bucky safe and he doesn't regret it for a second. ]
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unshielding) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
keepcruising2018-04-22 09:44 pm
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tell him I'll be waiting
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[And, honestly, it probably only takes a good fifteen minutes for him to get there. Which is likely a sign he was already halfway there to begin with.
He knocks on the door, wearing a doofy smile that doesn't feel quite right on his face, but it's there, and doesn't look as forced as it could.]
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I could make a joke about how you're not who I was expecting, but I think we've already established that I like honesty.
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[But his smile looks a little more genuine now, meeting his eyes. Bucky relaxes in that way he always does around Steve, a little less tense, a little less on edge. He'll never be the man he used to be, but the way his shoulders lose all of their tension and drop by inches.]
Y've always had a good heart, Stevie.
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I've tried.
[ He's more selfish than people realize at times. He lets himself want things and be thankful for things that he just shouldn't, like how he's thankful to have Bucky here with him in the 21st century even when he knows how Bucky got here. ]
I'm not sure I'm as successful as you think I am.
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I don't know.
[But his tone is teasing, easy.]
You're as close to a godsend as I think I'll ever get. You've got a lot of faults, Steve, but you're the reason why I'm here.
[He can't help it, squeezing at Steve with his right hand, his smile drifting to something a little more somber despite himself. There are a number of reasons why he tries to keep things bottled up, but at the end of the day, that's probably something dark inside of him talking.]
You pulled me out of something I never would have escaped on my own.
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I would have found you sooner if I'd known.
[ He's still holding Bucky's hand, squeezing it a little more desperately now, like Bucky could slip away again. ]
I wish I'd found you sooner.
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I know. But you found me.
[He doesn't even want to think about the alternative. It's pointless, an existential nightmare. And he promised himself he wouldn't let anyone see him break down because of it, because of the endless nightmares that have never actually stopped.
Maybe it's too intimate, but he squeezes at Steve's shoulder, careful not to harm his friend.]
You found me, and I'll never be able to thank you enough.
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Just thank me by sticking around. That's all I want, Buck. Just stay.
[ Because at this point, Steve's put a lot of time and energy into chasing after Bucky. He'd like to think that they can finally have this time together, at least for a little while.
He turns his head, nose pressing into Bucky's hair. ]
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[Because it's the truth. Because he doesn't want to keep running.]
Things are so different now.
[He's talking to talk, because as much as he likes the quiet comfort of just the two of them together, lingering silence puts him on edge.]
Kinda nice, not needing to hide this part of myself anymore.
[Bucky always has, and always will, love women. But Steve? Steve was always there. Has always been there.]
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You never have to hide anything with me.
[ It's a promise, but also a request. He wants to know everything, even the bad things. Maybe especially those so he can try to help. There's not a thing Bucky could say that would turn Steve away from him and that's always been true.
He kisses Bucky's cheek with a little smile. ]
I'd like to think I've proven that you're stuck with me by now.
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[He smiles, pulling in Steve a little closer.]
But bein' public about it... it's nice.
[He doesn't clarify, but then again, Bucky doesn't think he needs to, because he cranes his head so he can kiss at Steve's jaw, smiling. He lets go of Steve's hand, only to use his free hand to brush through the other man's short hairs on his head.]
You couldn't get rid of me if you tried, pal.
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It is.
[ Being Steve had been dangerous enough in the 40s without public affection or acknowledgment of something like this. Now, this is something they can really have if they want it. Society isn't without its issues, but it's come a long way. Steve's happy to see how accepting it really is now.
His hands settle on Bucky's hips and he anchors a finger in one of Bucky's beltloops. ]
Now I seem to remember I promised something about carrying you.
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Yeah, that's right. Almost forgot.
[He hasn't, if the teasing tone is anything to go by.]
You're probably the only person who could carry me, you know.
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[ Steve shakes his head minutely. He knows he can carry Bucky's weight because he's done it before until less ideal circumstances. ]
You used to be able to carry me. It's only fair that I get a turn.
[ He tugs on Bucky's belt loop, pulling him closer. ]
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[Bucky laughs, letting Steve pull him closer, leaving a trail of kisses along Steve's neck.]
You need to have your fair share of the fun, too.
[He's had trouble relaxing for a long time now, trouble feeling completely safe, but he does lose almost all of his tension in Steve's arms. It'd be fairly easy to scoop him up, because Bucky almost never lets himself become this limp, not even when he's sleeping.]
Bet you've been looking forward to this all day, punk.
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He straightens up, cradling Bucky's weight against his chest, and he would be lying if he said this was effortless, but it's not a huge strain, either. The bedroom's not far and he starts to make his way there. ]
At least since I knew you were coming over.
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Good way to spend an evening.
[An entire night?
Hell, he's not going to utter a single complaint about spending time with Steve. They've both more than earned this. Bucky will take as many days off as he wants.]
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I could think of worse.
[ He lays Bucky's weight down in his bed and leans right in for a kiss, jokes and preamble be damned. ]
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Oh, and what would that be--
[Steve's kiss cuts off his snark, which is probably for the best.
It only takes a moment for his brain to process what's happening-- even though he should have expected all of this, since he was the one who'd asked for it in the first place. He wraps both arms around Steve's back, using his right hand to scratch at Steve through the fabric of his shirt.
It's just hard enough to feel it, but light enough it'll heal before he's even finished trailing his nails against the other man's back.]
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With his weight braced on one hand, he brings the other up to brush Bucky's hair behind his ear and caress his jaw. ]
I did promise I would tuck you in.
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You did, didn't you?
[Bucky can't help feeling proud of himself, humming lowly.]
Got anything else planned?
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[ Steve likes a good plan when the situation calls for it, but Bucky's not always something he can plan for. He can't help grinning down at Bucky and pressing another quick kiss to Bucky's lips. ]
What kind of plans were you hoping for?
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Winging it sounds fun. I didn't have much of a plan, either. I just wanted an excuse to get in bed with you.
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[ It's not really in Steve's general habits to deny Bucky much of anything. He'd bend over backwards for him. Hell, he's already blown up his whole life to keep Bucky safe and he doesn't regret it for a second. ]
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