keepcruising | post-IW

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post-IW

Bucky's not sure exactly what happened. One minute, he'd been walking towards Steve feeling sicker than he'd ever felt in his life and the next thing he knew, he'd stumbled and woken up on the ground in Wakanda alone. No, not alone. Others had been waking up around them, but Steve hadn't been among them and Bucky couldn't help the rising panic in his chest at that thought. He hadn't been unaware of the possibility that one of them could die. It's a possibility in any fight, but he's not ready to lose Steve. He'd barely been ready to fight, himself.

That's how T'Challa finds him sitting in the dirt and drags him back to the palace for an explanation. The story at the palace hadn't been promising. Steve had been alive, but he'd left to find Thanos. Bucky can only guess that they'd won somehow, but he doesn't know if Steve is even alive right now.

Steve's always had a knack for leaping into danger and if he thought Bucky was dead, well... Bucky's not an idiot. He knows that it would have only made Steve more reckless, especially in the wake of all their late night conversations and half-hinted feelings, the way Steve sits closer now than he used to and the way he lets Bucky look for excuses to touch him. He's seen the way Steve looks at him when he thinks Bucky isn't looking and maybe Bucky should have said something when he'd had the chance, but he can't imagine anyone really wants such a broken man.

For Steve, he thinks, it's about missing his best friend and being confused, but for Bucky, it's not much different than it's always been. He's always been a little in love with Steve Rogers. He might be more clingy these days, but that's just never changed.

So he sends a text to the phone that he really doesn't expect to be working anymore and he stays at the palace to wait. Steve will come back if he's out there. He has to.

Where are you?

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"Don't do that again? You want me to stop kissing you," he teased. "Well, if you insist."

His words are an empty threat. Steve won't pull away, but he does like to watch Bucky squirm. He smiles as he noses Bucky in return, one hand gently running through his friend's soft hair. He needs Bucky like a drowning man needs a lifeline. Words can't convey how much he needs his friend.

"Could say the same to you," he teased. One hand moved up and he caressed Bucky's cheek with his knuckles. He feels like they should stop somehow, like this dance should end but he doesn't want the music to stop.

A laugh bubbles out of him, quiet but genuine. He's missed this. Fuck, he's missed Steve so much. Rare quick visits and skype sessions aren't enough. He can't remember the last time he felt like he was getting enough of Steve. Before the war, probably, because even during the war he remembers having to suddenly learn to share Steve.

He's so tired of sharing Steve with so many people. Some days it feels like his piece just isn't big enough anymore.

"I mean it. Staying here while you're out there is hard enough." He can't ask Steve to stay and he can't go with him. It's no secret that he's still got a lot of healing to do here, even if they could keep him hidden, he's still only half a man some days.

"Bucky, stop." He took one of Bucky's hands and placed it over his heart. He hated it every time that he left and he counted the hours till he could come back. It was dangerous, but he just couldn't stop himself. He cared for his best friend that much. "You know I hate going..."

He hated sharing too. Mostly because he felt like he had no choice in the matter. Things came up and he had to help with them. People's lives were at stake, usually.

His eyes narrow and he stares hard at Bucky. "I'm here. Focus on that for now," he murmured. Leaning in close, he pressed another kiss to Bucky, before moving down to his neck to kiss him there too. "Right now, it's just us. That's all that matters."

Bucky lets himself focus on the feeling of Steve's heartbeat under his fingers. He's alive and he's here with Bucky and that's all Bucky needs right now. He can't ask Steve to change who he is and he doesn't really want Steve to change, either. That drive to defend people is part of what makes Steve who he is and Bucky love him for it.

"Okay." He closes his eyes and tips his head to give Steve better access. "Okay, I can do that."

His hand slides down Steve's chest and around his side to slide up his back and hold him close. He sighs and tries to let himself relax more, even though he's almost as scared of what Steve does to him as he is of losing Steve.

"Keep doing that." There's a smile in his voice, but his eyes are still closed.

"If you're sure... I need you to be sure about this." He kissed down to Bucky's adam's apple, sucking lightly on it. One hand moved up and down Bucky's back, dragging his fingernails lightly over his spine.

There was no kind of with Steve. He was scared. He hoped it didn't show too much in the way he trembled beneath Bucky's touch. He wasn't sure what scared him more, the fact that he was so upset over losing Bucky or how much he was unraveling now that his friend was back. Friend didn't even begin to cover how he felt about the man beside him.

For him, there had never been anyone else. Losing Bucky had almost killed him. He knows it's unhealthy, but he just can't stop himself from wanting it. His mouth moves lower, teeth grazing over Bucky's collarbone as a small moan slips out. His body begins to react, causing Steve to blush. That is what Bucky does to him, even when he wasn't around.

Steve would never admit all the times he'd thought of Bucky in his life.

"You know, when you smile like that, you're pretty damn cute."

Bucky whines under his breath, barely audible but there as Steve's lips move over his skin. He's not sure about anything, this least of all. It's a bad idea. It's going to destroy him, but he's so sick of having so many walls up all the time. He wants to let Steve in and build them back up around the two of them until no one can touch them again.

There's only one thing he's sure of: He loves Steve Rogers more than he's ever loved anyone, even himself.

"I'm pretty cute all the time." His breath is shaky, fingers clenching at Steve's shirt. He can feel Steve trembling, but he's shaking, too. There's so much feeling behind this that it's overwhelming. Being with Steve feels like coming home, even just being in a room with him. This is so far beyond that feeling, safe and frightening all at once.

He tips Steve's chin up with a finger and tips his head down to press another kiss to Steve's lips. "I'm not going anywhere if I can help it."

Steve moaned a little louder than before. His heart pounded in his chest and his pulse began to race. Reaching up, he cupped Bucky's cheek as he returned the kiss, easily letting the man guide him with one finger. He couldn't help the feeling that was growing inside of him.

It was a feeling he didn't want to suppress anymore.

"Mmm, very cute and very mine." Steve deepened the kiss, clinging to Bucky as he plunged his tongue into Bucky's mouth. The feeling he had when he was in Bucky's arms was something he'd never felt before. He felt safe and welcome, as if this is where he belonged.

"We're not going anywhere," he purred. "So, let's just make the most of this."

There's a shuddering breath he can't quite control as they kiss, like a lifetime of tension is slowly draining from him.

"Been yours for a long time, Steve." Maybe always. He's not really sure anymore, but he can't remember a time he wasn't a little stupid for Steve Rogers, more devoted than he probably should've been and never unhappy about it, because that's how love works.

He presses closer, lets his legs tangle with Steve's as they kiss like he never wants to let go.

"I've been yours since that crappy little apartment in Brooklyn, Buck." Probably longer, if he thought about it, but he had been a kid. He didn't really know back then what he was doing. As he grew older, into a man, he knew what he wanted. And it wasn't the girls Bucky kept trying to set him up with.

Granted, it was a different time back then. He couldn't have Bucky, not like that, not with the times they were. So, he kept his thoughts to himself. At least he had Bucky as his best friend and that's all he could hope for, right?

No, now he knew he could have it all.

Steve groaned into the kiss, wanting so much to just take Bucky and never let him go. "God, I... You make me feel so happy."

Bucky had liked the girls he'd been with. He's never let himself really overthink things with Steve too much, but there'd always been a sense of longing there and a sense of permanence between them. He couldn't have pictured a life for himself where Steve wouldn't have been his partner in so many ways.

"Good." He smiles, eyes lighting up as he looks at Steve. Making him happy is important. Steve sacrifices so much for everyone else. Bucky just wants to take care of him. He's always wanted that, even when he hadn't been sure what it had meant. He always feels better around Steve. Lighter.

"You make me happy, too."

Steve nodded his head, stopping what he was doing to stare into Bucky's eyes. "The feeling is mutual." His voice is low and quiet, barely above a whisper but he knows that Bucky can hear him. All the past, everything in their lives had led them to this moment. It had been a long and arduous road, with many perils along the way, but it had brought them here. For that, Steve wouldn't trade that for the world.

In a way, they really take care of each other. When they were together and it was just them, the rest of the world faded away. Steve craved that quiet, with no missions or fighting and just enjoying the moment together.

Them together.

"You remember that time when it was my birthday and I tried to make a cake," he asked softly. "It came out terrible. It tasted chalky and it was all we could to take two bites before we threw it in the garbage?" He laughed, letting his hand trail slowly up and down Bucky's bicep. "It didn't matter, because you were there. And you told me a birthday was about the people around you, not the things or the food."

Steve leaned in close, kissing Bucky's neck. "I always want you around me."

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