keepcruising | (no subject)

"Oh is that all? In that case I could help you both." Eames offered helpfully, amusement written all over his face even if he tried to keep himself from smiling. Whether this help would be offered personally or through various contacts could be arranged, and honestly he was a bit surprised that Ariadne wasn't drowning in offers. She was an attractive and confident woman, after all.

The bad taste portion however, only made him chuckle, and he stuck his hands in his pockets as they walked. "Are you sure you just don't have unreasonable standards?"

"I have completely reasonable standards. It's not my fault that people can't be bothered to meet them." He was drunk and he really needed to stop talking about five minutes ago. Probably, he shouldn't have texted Eames at all, but it was already done, wasn't it?

"And I don't need your help. God knows what I'll wind up with."

"Enlighten us mere mortals what your completely reasonable standards are." Eames was more dryly joking than anything, but if Arthur decided in his drunken state to actually let him know, he wouldn't complain. He had been trying to figure it out for a while now, and most of the people Arthur seemed to sleep with fell solely in the 'little attachment' category.

He made a face at Arthur's rejection, putting a hand over his heart as if he'd been wounded. "I would pick only the best for you Arthur! They'd be clean and good conversation at the very least."

Arthur eyed him for a moment with a thin level of suspicion. "That's a start, I guess."

He didn't think his standards were unreasonable because he hit them.

"Clean and smart." He nodded. "And attractive. I'm not looking to get married here." If Eames was looking for a laundry list of Arthur's ideal mate, he was going to have to dig a little harder, because Arthur hadn't been dragged out with the idea of finding some long-lasting thing, nor was he ever really looking for that. He kept things uncomplicated for a reason.

"And not someone who knows any of you, because I don't need any of you talking about my sex life."

"Those three I can do, but it would be difficult even for me to set you up with someone I didn't know. How can I vouch for them otherwise?" Eames asked innocently, shooting the other man an amused glance.

"Not that them being unknown to us would stop any of us talking about your sex life. Saito has a betting pool going as to who you'll sleep with first out of our team." Okay so that might be a slight exaggeration but what drunk Arthur couldn't verify couldn't hurt him right?

"What?!" Arthur stumbled, but caught himself. He paused in his steps after that, staring after Eames.

"None of you!" Sober, he might have seen the joke for what it was and shrugged it off with an eyeroll, but certain people named Ariadne may have made certain jokes earlier that had left him a little sensitive to the topic. It was hard to separate from that in the face of this level of drunkenness. He really needed to drink less.

At the stumble, Eames went to catch the other man, arms hanging out for a few moments before he decided Arthur was still capable of walking.

Eames did his best to look put out, sighing heavily. "Not even Saito? I have to question your tastes. Not to mention Yusuf will be so heartbroken..."

Was he taking advantage of Arthur's drunkenness and teasing him mercilessly? No, of course not.

"Because you're all fighting over me like a pack of wild cats, right?"

He rolled his eyes and started to walk again with purpose. His hotel was probably in this direction, right? Eames was an ass sometimes, but Arthur didn't think Eames would get him deliberately lost.

"I kissed Ariadne once, so she might win by default. Where's my cut of the betting pool?"

"Would that be so surprising?" While of course Yusuf and Saito had bet on people other than themselves, a surprising move for Saito who seemed so self confident even Eames could learn a thing or two from him, it wasn't like Arthur wasn't desirable.

Gently, Eames steered Arthur in the right direction, wondering if perhaps he should call it a night and call them both a cab. He even had half a mind to suggest it, when Arthur's impromptu confession gave him pause.

"Well she never shared that detail, I feel like that's cheating." He turned his gaze to Arthur's face, keeping it carefully neutral. "You're not allowed to rig your own betting pool. If you want a cut you'll have to start another one."

"Please. You're just jealous that she has an edge over you." He let Eames guide him, smile returning to his face. Relying on people like this wasn't easy for him, but the alcohol was making it a little easier to let Eames have some measure of control here. Still, Eames had better not mention this in the morning.

"Is the betting pool good? If I make sure you win, we could split it."

He wasn't serious, because the one serious part of this conversation was that he had no intention of sleeping with any of them, not even Ariadne. A kiss was just a kiss and it was far enough in the past that he doubted either of them thought on it as much of anything.

Would Arthur let him take a picture of that smile? Eames already felt like he was pushing his luck by guiding Arthur around, but it seemed like he was in a happy state. Maybe he wouldn't question it? But then again in the morning...

"Have you ever thought I was jealous of you? I never thought someone would make a move on her so quickly. Cobb excluded." Dangerous situations and people piecing you back together would do that to a person.

He waved a hand at Arthur's suggestion, tempting as it was. "Saito would murder us both. If you didn't shoot me first when you sobered up."

At the mention of Cobb, Arthur actually almost managed a glare, but he couldn't quite shake the drunken smile and it came off as more incredulous than anything. Cobb wouldn't do that. If Arthur was truthful, Ariadne was a little young for him and Cobb was really in no position for anything like that. That kiss hadn't really gone anywhere, but Arthur's found himself becoming somewhat protective of her. Partially, he thought, it was because she was so new to crime and there were people out there who would take advantage of that.

"Eames, even you should know that you don't tell people when you're grifting them." He swayed a little as he walked, very obviously unaware of the motion, but not quite in danger of losing his balance. "Who did you bet on, anyway? You're the gambler."

It shouldn't be half as endearing, that crinkled look on the other man's face, but it was. It was both a relief and with a small pang of sadness that the hotel was coming into view. Most likely he'd leave Arthur at his hotel room, and maybe call it a night. Decisions.

He canted his head to the side, smiling slightly. "Why Arthur, giving a conman tips on how to con are you?" His voice was fond, tinged with amusement.

There was a thoughtful pause as he ushered the other man across the street, taking care to keep him close. "Who should I be betting on?"

Arthur shook his head, snickering. "No one we work with, but that's not allowed in this bet, is it?"

His smile was downright playful as they stepped up on the curb and this time when he swayed, it had his arm brushing up against Eames. "So tell me who you did bet on."

Now that they were back on the sidewalk, he stopped, turning to face Eames.

"Come on."

"No it's not. How are we to verify that the deed has happened if we don't know the other party or parties?" Eames asked gently, quirking an eyebrow at Arthur's intentional touch. Typically he wasn't so free with his physical affection, and it concerned him slightly. Maybe he would have him drink water before putting him to bed, obviously he had drank far too much.

"Cobb of course. Someone needs to mother his children." Eames lied with a straight face, ushering the other man into the hotel lobby. "Who could resist his arm twisting and narrow minded focus?"

Arthur was about to open his mouth to offer a million reasons why Eames had basically thrown the bet on the least likely out of all of them when he realized that Eames wasn't actually that stupid. Rather, he was a very different kind of stupid.

He leveled Eames with an amused and somewhat unimpressed look. "You bet on yourself, didn't you?"

And then he started walking again.

"What was your room number?" Eames asked instead, following after him, hands shoved in his pockets. He was content to let the other man go forward so long as he corralled him to the correct room.

"Though you realize this will be all null and void once the others find out you know about the betting pool."

Ah well, he supposed they'd just have to go back to the bets on how short Saito could cut a phone call with powerful politicians or how long Yusuf's cats could yowl.

Arthur led him through the lobby towards the elevator, never so drunk that he lost track of where he needed to be, even if he wasn't walking in the straightest line. Instead of telling Eames his room number, he hit the up button and carried on as if Eames hadn't asked for it with a bright smile on his face.

"The whole point was to not tell them that I knew about the bet. If it's you, I wouldn't even have to sleep with you to win. We could just lie and split the money." It would serve them all right for betting on Arthur's sex life.

"Unless you've suddenly developed morals..."

"There's no fun in that." Eames answered as he followed Arthur to the elevator, leaning against the wall and crossing his arms. He returned that bright smile with a small look of amusement. Besides, he was sure Saito would figure it out somehow that they'd rigged the bet, even if it was a small one, and they'd pay accordingly. He'd rather not go against the other man if he could help it. "I'm not that hard up for money I need to lie about sleeping with someone."

The idea about developing morals was a laughable one considering his career.

"The fun is in punishing everyone for betting on my sex life." The elevator dinged loudly next to Arthur and he stepped in as the door opened, hitting the button for his floor and leaning against the back wall with an ease that he rarely had when sober.

"You're being spared because you told me about it." He crossed his arms loosely, wondering how serious Eames had been when he'd put money on himself. "Who did everyone else bet on?"

"Oh? What sort of elaborate revenge are you going to concoct?" Now Eames was interested, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned on the wall across from Arthur. Still, he wouldn't complain. While Arthur may lack some imagination he didn't lack follow through and thoroughness.

At the question, Eames merely grinned, shrugging his shoulders. "Ariadne, so that shouldn't be too offensive." There had been some argument in his favor, but Yusuf had cut that short with something along the lines of, 'if it was going to happen, it would have happened by now'. It had been a tad bit insulting, to be perfectly honest.

Arthur raised an eyebrow. "So the entire bet was you betting on yourself and everyone else betting on her?" Suddenly, his smile was back in spades and then he broke into a soft laugh. "That's the most pathetic betting pool I've ever heard of. I'm not sure if I can even maintain the anger."

He was relieved that no one had been dumb enough to vote for Dom, though. "Saito deserves your money."

The elevator dinged right on time and Arthur stepped out onto the gaudy carpet. If he was honest with himself, and he rarely was, Eames probably did have a better shot than the rest of them. Leave it to Eames to be the only one to realize that, even if Arthur was chalking that up to ego more than realism.

"Hey I had some support, I'll have you know." He played at blistering, but that laugh was enough to soothe any annoyance he felt. Cobb being his support was just as terrible as having none, since he was never sure what that man was plotting exactly, but Arthur didn't need to know that.

He snorted as he followed Arthur out into the hallway, making a face. "Saito doesn't need anymore money. He could afford to have us all on retainer and still have money left over to support a large harem."

Still, it looked like Arthur would be able to get to his own room unaided, and Eames wanted to check up on the rest of their team.

"Since I doubt anymore cats will be attacking you here, I'll be taking my leave."

Arthur turned back, smile still on his face.

"Thanks for finding me."

He could tell he was going to be violently ill in a few hours, but it was a good night. As for that bet, he would have to leave himself a note to make sure he didn't forget.